What Keeps Me Going

Photo edited by me but not taken by me. Me & Sparkles. June 2014.

Photo edited by me but not taken by me. Me & Sparkles. June 2014.

This is what keeps me at going, I guess. Or at least attempting to move forward.

Even though there’s no certainty. Even though I’m not sure if my dreams can come true. Even if there is no promise at the end. Even though it may never happen.
But the possibility of my dreams….to even go halfway….it would be enough.

My outlandish dream is to own a horse. Of course I’m not even sure that is remotely possible myself. My more realistic and shorter term goal is having my dreams go about halfway-ish and be able to See the rest of the post →

The Paradox of Progress

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I want progress, but I am also terrified of it! I want things to change, but I don’t want to change.

I discovered that this past week, resulting in somewhat of a mid-week crisis. I don’t know. It’s all just very confusing and conflicting still.

In general I am not a huge fan of change. Yet, I’m tired of continuously going nowhere. Things are finally starting to happen for me – as I wanted. But I did not expect how overwhelming it could be – when I’ve barely started. But even talk of Telephone Dragons and Teamwork Dragons are enough to rattle me…..yet alone someone going “we’re going to extend See the rest of the post →

How to improve your dressage seat and deter “hovering”

You can do this in one easy step!

1. kill your knee.

If you want 3 easy steps: prance, slip and plummet on a hard surface (at home to sound super stupid).

Now it’s uncomfortable to post and uncomfortable to hover and you will be forced to sit more often! Well, assuming that you have made it onto the horse anyway. Umm…

Aside from that, it’s fairly effective. No other better deterrence like pain! How come I never see anything about this technique? lol.

True story though! See the rest of the post →

Letting it Go

Ok, I will admit it. I cannot let things go. Things that annoy me that is or just conflict in general.

It just sit there and irks me until….it stops I guess. I seem to just hang onto mistakes and am seemingly unable to let the damn thing go. It’s hard to let things go and if the other person doesn’t let it go, then it will just linger there. Awkwardly.

It gets stuck in my head. I cannot seem to forget it. I’m likely if I can think about anything else.

I am also terrible at arguments. I seem to lose them all and just be incredibly peeved after. See the rest of the post →

At the End

About a week ago, ok two weeks ago… (Sept 7) I saw my grandpa for the last time. He was dying. We all knew that. But we didn’t know that he’d be gone the next afternoon.

It was at 9pm in the dark halls. He was heavily drugged, sedated. Although he could almost open his eyes, his eyes were rolling back. Hovering between the lands of the dead and the living.

He had been sick since February but it was only the last month that things quickly went downhill. But he had already came to terms of it. In a way, it seemed he had sort of willed death to See the rest of the post →

Breaking Away

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Well, not literal wars, thankfully. More like imagined ones to me.

The last two weeks have been crazy. It all started on July 25 with a splat with my employment service. Initially, it started with a dispute about paying for a criminal record check BEFORE anything was or is secured (I have still yet to hear back about that one by the way and I’m STILL peeved about that!!) and just just spiraled out of control from there. Things were already sort of going not so well and it just got worse. In the end, I had little faith in them and things clashed. I know that believe differently but See the rest of the post →