Well, not literal wars, thankfully. More like imagined ones to me.
The last two weeks have been crazy. It all started on July 25 with a splat with my employment service. Initially, it started with a dispute about paying for a criminal record check BEFORE anything was or is secured (I have still yet to hear back about that one by the way and I’m STILL peeved about that!!) and just just spiraled out of control from there. Things were already sort of going not so well and it just got worse. In the end, I had little faith in them and things clashed. I know that believe differently but See the rest of the post →
Wanted to do some random questions so I found this one. From: www.marcandangel.com/2009/07/13/50-questions-that-will-free-your-mind/
- How old would you be if you didn’t know how old you are?
16? I feel like a teenager.
- Which is worse, failing or never trying?
Failing. Although I know it should be the latter but in actuality, failing. I am terrified of failing!
- If life is so short, why do we do so many things we don’t like and like so many things we don’t do?
Money and expectations. People get caught in the grind of life. It’s hard to do things we like when we don’t seem to have the means.
- When it’s all said
See the rest of the post →
Flickers from Jen on Vimeo.
There’s not that much to say right now…
I’m drifting between shadows and light
darting from one to the other
retreating to the darkness
chasing the light
but it comes too fast, and I too slow
though I may be enamored in its splendour
the light is too revealing anyway
exposing all that is wrong
and little that feels right
running back to the shadows
into the darkness
where the light does not burn
and does not shine
either way I can’t see
except for the light dancing
in the shadows
flickers of [note: not listed See the rest of the post →
And so, summer is here.
It used to be a time of celebration. No school. Fun field trips (I never took holidays…and evidently I may never will on a regular basis). As a teenager, hanging around the barn a little more often (I was never quite the barn rat – well, maybe I was for a few weeks before I got “laid off” lol). I was always more of a winter person though. I’m not sure why exactly but I never liked the heat all that much.
But now summer seems to mark the ending of another academic year. The academic year that never was.
What’s worse than a has-been? See the rest of the post →
This is what my life looks right now. This is the window to my future.
Everything ahead is a mass of blurred grey and other colours and the rain is all I see. The rain that never ceases. The rain the blurs vision. The rain that just makes you wet, cold and grumpy.
I can’t see the future. The future that I imagined, the future that I dreamed for myself – is just that. A thought. A dream. No matter how big or small, realistic or unrealistic. Meanwhile, nothing is moving. Or everything is moving. In both ways. Good and bad. All at the same time, perhaps erring more to See the rest of the post →
Everything is of the verge of falling apart. And everything is on the verge of coming together.
But I feel the collapse imminent. It’s like what WILL happen if nothing happens. What will happen if I don’t stop it. Somehow.
Yet, there’s hope of greater changes. I guess. Maybe one day soon, I’ll have a job (or two). Maybe one day soon, I can move out. Maybe one day soon, I can be more involved with horses and riding.
But I don’t know. There’s somehow that maybe the first two things may happen. But I don’t know when and I don’t know how.
I have been a bit more successful See the rest of the post →
But the water is thick and the current is strong. Stronger than blood, pulsating and giving life. But here at the shore, it is much the same. The tides may come and go but it’s as normal as the sun rising and falling, back into the depths of the horizons from where it came.
I stay close to the shore because I am too afraid to venture further into deep water. I fear that if I venture further, the current would sweep me up and pull me underwater. Always on the verge on drowning before I would give in and flow with the current and never returning to See the rest of the post →